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Lawyer Jokes
 What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
 Your honor.
What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
Senator.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
Because down deep, they are all nice guys!
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.
What is the definition "lucky break?"
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
There was an empty seat.
Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
Both have about a 1-in-3 million chance of becoming a human being.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery
What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
Their personalities.
How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big
when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
Yes! They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box.
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