"President Bill Clinton's autobiography is coming out next week. Clinton is going on one of those book tours in New York City next week and they are expecting huge crowds. So, to keep the crowd moving, he'll only sign one breast." "Bill Clinton's new memoir has already had orders for 1.5 million copies. In fact, it's already in its third printing. The first two were stained." "It's actually longer than the new Harry Potter book. And both of them, I believe, are about a boy and his wand." "Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign." "Bill Clinton's memoir, which is coming out in June, is called 'My Life.' I believe it's an oral history. ... They say it should be a good read even for people who are unfamiliar with Bill Clinton, you know, like Hillary." "The $10 million Clinton is getting for his book beats the old record of $8.5 million paid to the Pope. How do you think this makes the Pope feel? The man dedicates his life to the 10 Commandments, he gets 8.5. Clinton breaks every one of them, he gets 10." "Isn't this amazing? Clinton is getting $8 million for his memoir, Hillary got $8 million for her memoir. That is $16 million for two people who for eight years couldn't remember anything."