Witty Quips From Job Evaluations

34. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

33. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

32. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.

29. One neuron short of a synapse.

28. It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'll get change.

25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

24. If brains were taxed, she'd get a refund.

23. He's so dense, light bends around him.

22. Has two brains: one is lost; the other is out looking for it.

21. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

20. Fell out of the family tree.

19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.

17. Bright as Alaska in December.

16. A prime candidate for natural deselection.

15. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

14. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together. 12. A room temperature IQ.

. 11. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.

10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

9. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.

8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.

3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.

1. I would not allow this employee to breed.